The Fairy World that is Marriage

“Arey accha rishta aya hai, raani ki tarha rahegi”. Sweet lies. The web of constant lies have trapped the minds of young girls ever since society had constructed the institute of marriage. The mere thought of being a bride, of those alluring ornaments and dresses , of being the centre of attention, of the grandeur and éclat revolving her, compels her to build her own big castles in empty air. But is the world that she is going to enter, worth all the bombarding excitement or even a celebration?

No sooner did the nurse cut the umbilical cord than the newborn’s family has started worrying about her one big liability, her marriage. The most important prospect of her life, which is marriage, governs the way she lives; how far she pursues her education, what career she opts or even opts a career, how she moulds her social life, how she dresses and even what she eats! Hey, she needs to be zero size to be a good marriage ‘material’, doesn’t she?

But have we ever wondered why women accept such an unfair trade-off? I smell patriarchy. We are part of a society where women are subjected to blows of ingrained patriarchy and sometimes these blows are not so outright but ornamental and illusory. They are served as apparently sweet propaganda which brainwashes the minds of women. Had the reality of marriage been explained to the girls, they would not sacrifice their bigger parts and priorities for it. Matter of fact is females tend to lose more, have to change their entire course of life than her male counterpart in this phallic society. That marriage completes her life, that marriage gives her a soulmate, that marriage will make her socially acceptable, that marriage is her ticket to be happy, is entirely false and utterly refutable.

Movies, poems, stories, have weaved unrealistic expectations and cosmic romance regarding marriage. The fairy world which we think of marriage, isn’t really what it is. The honeymoon hangover does not stay for long. Compromise is inevitable in marriages, however much you think you are in love with your spouse. At one point, the drive is not love, it is responsibility, compromise and your level of understanding. It is not all roses and moon; there are times you would hate each other’s presence. Except you ace a bourgeois lifestyle where you get immense privileges and the last thing you have to worry about is your marital life, then you are good to go. Of course your material life will govern your marital life, that goes unsaid.

Marriage is no holy sacrament where two soulmates already destined to be together, finally gets to stay together after a hell lot of rituals. It is a societal construction, entirely made to make people stay together, however hard it is, and form the unit of family by producing offsprings. It isn’t a normal relationship, where you can walk off without worries, when things turn bitter. But surely, it isn’t so easy to survive a divorce. The immense responsibility of children, the worry of financial stability if you yourself are not economically independent, the urge to compromise more and a bit more, the public ‘shame’, never makes it easy for a woman to approach a divorce.

What my point is, lets not weave this illusory world of romanticism to regard to marriage and accept its practicality ( life it is ), lets not encourage a girl to be in her own dreamy illusion of marriage but jolt her to reality, let her grow her own wings through herself as an independent woman and not through marriage, let her accept marriage as just a mere part of her life, if it be, and not her entire life itself. That’s all we can do for now.

An amateur writer who is in a constant dilemma between accepting reality and drowning in her surrealistic reveries.

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